Commencement 1.11
1.
Once in a silver birch, I sang myself. With kindling enough to get the coals going but nothing to sustain them. The crosshatched tower of wood that stood above the flame would stay dim as the spires stretched and dissipated around them; The northeastern spring had made sure of that. Catholic knees insulated me from the rough terrain.
I arose just in time to see the completion of the Transcontinental Railroad and hear shouts of "Ich Bin Ein Berliner" bound from larynx to radio wave to tympanic membrane, and repeat. With each step forward I took, a wall of stone entwined with petrified wood remained not more than 3 feet behind. Just before the wall fell I turned to see a German soldier, arm outstretched through a break in the wall presenting a sole black-eyed Susan with the intent of peace. As I took the flower the wall collapsed on itself, shattering the man’s arm, but magnifying his intention.
As it fell, he rose.
2.
I turned back to the railroad, Susan in hand, but saw only an empty field where once lay the pinnacle of western intervention. In the distance I heard whimperings of joy and pain, but the ground around me had dissipated and left me on a plateau.
A house was built upon the wreckage of the wall, using wood and stone alike as foundation. A house was built on the remains of my only friend.
3.
As my house drifted away from my home, my family and so-called friends waved cordially as I drifted further. I could see the water that had turned my plateau into a floating island, raising up past my windows, and consuming my house. Logic and reason we're far apart from what I knew as perception. Imagination took full precedent.
An iceberg had grown inside me. I thought it would destroy my house after the first, second, and third hits, but it was no Titanic; I was a mouse amongst elephants.
4.
My watery journey came to a halt on the banks of the Hudson, due west of Mount Sinai. I was home. I was where my life had started. I foraged west towards the Mount. As I climbed, I had hoped I would have been healed but it seemed as if I was on a course for my life to end exactly where it had begun. Kevorkian was waiting for me. I tried to think back to when I was born as it was where I now stand. I could recollect or recall, but not remember.
5.
My mooring had broken and again I drifted further and further into the unknown waters until the waters dried up and I was set down in what appeared a barren wasteland. Contrary to what I had been told to believe, sometimes things are exactly as they seem, as it was in this place.
6.
It'd been months since I'd had any inkling of an idea of who or where I was. I was a cosmonaut crashed into earth, crying in rage at having lost all memory of home vs the unknown and the ability to decipher friend from foe, or alien from ally. I was a cosmonaut, crashing to earth.
As my vessel fell, so did I.
Nor’Eastern
I need the open road today. I’ve struck a nerve, I’ve found this to be a pattern as of late. Leading to self-reducing pain, this fall took all my friends far away.
The depth of everyone has waned. I watched the road get close when orange turned to gray. This fall took all my friends away, but left the lights on. A Manhattan kind of break; I’ve seen this before but as of late.
I’ve been unable to solve the problem of sex.
I was surrounded by extras sipping drinks from reruns of an infomercial for anything. Bullets have left guns slower than I did you. I guess I knew it was the right gift from me to you.
Nothing is going on. Nothing is going on.
Nothing is going on. How’ve you been?
Nothing is going on. Nothing is going on.
Nothing is going on. How’ve you been?
5/2 Empty
You wrote me a map which I could not comprehend. It had a beginning but was void of an end. You disappeared without warning in a fashionable trend. I’ve needed your help. “Come find me at the end,” you said.
The only piece that stuck around was in a peaceful state underground. If only I’d gotten the chance to say to my friend, “No man is an island.”
I thought a piece of your mind would function after you died. I guess I was right in a kind of way. I saw a peaceful reprise of what you saw in the sky. A cloud shaped like all day.
If only the piece that stuck around was in a peaceful state underground. Only you said, “listen to my friend, No man is an island.”
Bone China
Of ten names that have graced my list, you’re the first I wish had never seen my wrist. Could you stay a while? Could you lose that smile? I get it, it’s hard to be you too. But keep in mind you had the choice to not be blue, while others don’t. You hurt because you want to feel like a person, but never have.
You’re just a fucking actor. Life’s a rehearsal. I’m more than the antagonist. So keep me out of your little fits. A plastic cup and mason jar could tell me enough about who you are in a word or two, and which one is more you.
Either way I’ll be distant from you. Either way I’ll be distant, ‘til you find something new.
(Only) X (you said you loved me)
You said you loved me.
I Came So Scared
I came so scared, love, of being alone. A silver birch hung here, in what used to be home. People won’t care, love, beyond what they say. There’s nothing much deeper to what they’re thinking of me.
If you need to say you want me to stay, If I need you, then stay away.I am a misanthrope and you remind of of why. Cultivate yourself but not for my eyes. I faced a demon to spend some more time with the shape of your body at the place in your mind. Take me with you or leave me behind. This middle-ground’s tearing me apart from the inside.
You left so scared, love, of being so brash, by taking my burden with you when you passed. But on came a new one; a love that I found. I’m punishing myself because I’ve let you down.
Marionettiste
You were a house on fire but I didn’t know. Lust kept my eyes covered as smoke filled my lungs. I need a beer, as you disappear. So I’ll wait alone again. You were a house on fire but I didn’t know. What was there between the two of us, You were best in show. I prayed to set you free from the dark in me. I’ll wait, I’ll wait, alone in this company. Look in my mind, there’s a storm at bay in here. Enough to put you out, and that’s my biggest fear.
I gave you nothing to stop the rain that was to come. I wanted you in my life, but not for you to dim. And who you’ve got won’t matter to you. Give me a way out of here. A way out of here. Way out of here. Way out of here.
You were a house on fire but I didn’t know. I kept you strapped to my side so my pain wouldn’t show. I need you here 'til my mind’s clear. Still waiting.
Recluse
Leave me alone I’m uncomfortably numb. When you awoke you’ll have walked to my throne. So give me a stone a glass topped lake and I just want to know. If I’m alone will I make a ripple? If I’m alone would I take your stone? If I’m alone, I’ll skip it across. Does it make a ripple?
Leave us alone we’re uncomfortably numb. When you awoke you’ll have walked to our throne.
So give me a stone a glass topped lake and I just want to know.
If I’m alone will I make a ripple? If I’m alone would I take your throne? If I’m alone, I’ll skip it across.
Does it make a ripple?
zine by jaimey shapey
Aural:
Dylan Alexander Freeman - Composer, Arranger, Engineer, Producer(Mix), Vocals, Guitar, Bass, Piano, Keyboard/Synthesizer, Electronic Drums & Sound Design
Kevin Patel - Violin
Henry Webster - Violin & Viola
Madison Baldwin - Cello
Gina Kodel - Cello
James Vitz-Wong - Double Bass
Jaron Crespi - Piano
DanMichael Reyes - Piano & Keyboard/Synthesizer
Justin Siegal - Drum Kit
Reece Mizelle - Electronic Drums
Danny Hynds - Sound Design
Erin Poulin - French Horn
Zekkeraya El-Megharbel - Trombone
Marta Teisenga - Saxophone
Eri Flores - Vocals
Abe Abe - Vocals, Harp
Luc Kleiner - Vocals
Eyvind Kang - String Conductor
Erika Duke-Kirkpatrick - String Part Overseer
Clay Burton - Mixing Assistant, Final Master
Louis Stephens - Mixing Assistant
Visual:
Dylan Alexander Freeman - Director, Editor, Producer, Artwork/Graphic Designer & Screen Printer
Emily Krause - Dancer, Choreographer, & Assistant DP
Felicia St. Cyr - Dancer & Choreographer
Jaimey Shapey - Zine Designer, Screen Printer & Typesetting Consultant
Jan Ellen Michell - Zine Copyist & Producer
Mitchell Freeman - Producer
Jonathan Trevor Freeman - Artwork Design Consultant
Liz Huth - Video Consultant & Technical Supply
Sinah Ober - Technical Supply
Special Thanks:
Jan Ellen Michell & Mitchell Freeman; the two most amazing parents anyone could ever dream to have. I owe this all to you, mom & dad <3
California Institute of the Arts; an especially weird place that I hope never gets any less weird.
Firing Line: Shooting Lanes; letting me shoot posters I printed even though most places wouldn't!
Symphonic Distribution; being a great and affordable platform for musicians to release their music.
Scott DuBois; the most amazing teacher and musician I ever have known/will ever know. This album would be nothing without you, Scott!
The Jarecki Family; my second family. Love y'all to death.
Amia Yokoyama; a huge badass and amazing artist who was supposed to be a part of this project but scheduling/planning changed and I'm sorry! Amia, you're the coolest.
Nena Zinoveiff; the owner of the filming location and past CalArtian!
Aidan Bach; the hooker-upper of me being able to edit this video and having a place to do that.
Jason Tibi (and by proxy, the whole Tibi clan); the greatest people. My west-coast family! Also Jason supplied me with a drum machine for a song. That's pretty cool.
Es Youn; saved my ass and helped me print some cool shiny vinyl stuff!
MELÆNCOLIA-I is dedicated in memoriam to Susan Allen; an innovator of innovators.
May you forever rest in peace, Susie.
Thanks so much for checking out the album and everyone involved!
I love you all!
Sincerely,
Dylan Alexander Freeman